a silent jam

You've seen one flake you've seen em all

2007-07-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

Israel has decided to release 250 Palestinian prisoners! There has been a ton of talk of some type of prisoner exchange in the past year ever since Shaleet was captured. Do we release the prisoners and in return get our soldier back or refuse and hold our ground that we don’t deal with terrorists? Tough decisions!

I don’t know exactly who these prisoners are but I don’t think any of them would make good baby sitters for my children. You don’t go to prison for walking old ladies across the street! What ever they did they will now return to society changed men! They learned their lessons in prison. They all of course realize that peace is the only option and will now stand against those in the way that prevent real peace.

Oooh one small detail that I forgot to mention in this exchane. Its not really an exchange. There will be no soldiers coming home, no information gained on Ron Arad or the many others that have disappeared across the line. We will be releasing these 250 prisoners as a good gesture. That’s right, a good gesture!!!

We are to show our support of Abbas and the Fatah movement. Ok Abbas denies the Holocaust ever happened and also heads/funds many of the smaller off shoot terror cells. So what!!! the past is the past. With the release of these 250 now law abiding changed men Abbas will show a new face towards Israel.

They say in Alaska there are over 100 names for snow! There is flaky snow, round hard snow, slushy snow, big flaky snow, etc, etc. They get a lot of snow in Alaska, you would have to really like snow to live there. To the common person he probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between most of the types, just variations of frozen water!!

Hamas, Fatah, Al Aqsa, Tanzim, PPFLP, etc, etc, To the common person there is not much a difference between each of these groups. Our current government seems to see a difference. I wonder if they would be able to see the difference between the various types of snow??? I suggest putting them all on a one way Jet trip for a long term research project to find out.

3 point turn gone bad

2007-05-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

I knew the moment that she said lets go back to the station that I had failed the test, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I saw my moms face after coming back from the explanation from the driving instructor.

Driving on the wrong side of the road is not one of those things that driving instructors are too lienant on. All that work and time that my parents put into teaching me how to drive down the drain. That was a long ride back home!!

The key to the 3 point turn is actually ending up on the right side of the road when you are done with the 3rd point. In my case the first 2 points went quite well, I than proceeded down the street driving down the wrong lane. I did think it was a little strange when I was waiting to make a left turn when I noticed an oncoming car swerving out of the way expecting to drive down the lane where I was sitting. At the time I was thinking “wow what a crazy driver.” Little did I know at the time that I was sitting in his lane. I was really careful about the blinker and the speed limit though. Real smooth!

I was very surprised when she than instructed me to drive straight back to the station. Why was she acting so nervous all of a sudden? Why the sweat on her forehead?? It was in the winter after all. What about parallel parking and all the other good stuff??

I guess I wasn’t quite ready for my license yet because the following week while working with my dad and brother I almost ran over my dad. I never knew my father could jump like that! He was parallel to the ground about 5 feet in the air and disappeared into the tall weeds. It was quite impressive! Luckily there was a big rock that broke the speed of the truck. I didn’t get to drive home that day.

Did you vote for this guy???

2006-12-11T03:56:00.000-08:00

"Israeli policy in the West Bank represented instances of apartheid worse even that those that once held sway in South Africa." Our good friend Jimmy Carter has dedicated a book to the cause of the Palestinian people. He discusses his opinions on the correct path to peace in Israel.

His finger clearly points to those big nosed bullies.

I wonder if Jimmy's opinions would have been swayed if he could have heard what went on behind closed doors this week with Palestinian Authority Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Probably not!

They both had similar goals towards peace though. "Israel will never have peace until they agree to withdraw [from the territories]." Jimmy states that this is the real answer to real peace in the region. I'm not sure if Ismail and Mahmoud agree though.

When Ismail and Mahmoud came out of this closed meeting they made a few things pretty clear. Israel still does not exist and we will continue to kill their innocent woman and children as we always have done before.

Jimmy do you think behind those doors they discussed a particular border in which they would truly recognize us? Did they discuss any peaceful remedy to the situation? Or maybe did they bless each other and wish each other success on their similar plot of wiping out this nation once and for all?

I guess I wouldn't be so surprised of the ignorance of the leader of the KKK. I also wouldn't be surprised at such anti-Semitism from certain leaders in Europe. How could the previous President of The United States come to these conclusions with all the information at his hands?

Makes you think! Maybe those big nosed bullies are really the aggressors? Maybe our cousins in the West Bank and Azza really are looking for peaceful solutions? Maybe if we let down all the fences and borders they would come running at us with roses, and not knives and bombs? It’s all out of frustration of their current situation? Deep down they want to live side by side in peace for future generations? Maybe, Why not? Jimmy says so!

Post chess game feedback

2006-11-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

Any talk of the latest war against the Hezbollah guerillas is usually pretty negative. How the once mighty Israel army was defeated. The mistakes made from top Israeli Officials, the mistakes made from the reservists, the mistakes made by the nation as a whole.

I'm far from a history buff but from my limited knowledge of history I can't recall any nation ever defeating any type of guerilla organization. Israel, USA, England, China, and all the other major nations fighting together would not be able to defeat Hezbollah and its guerillas.

Who's the bad guy? The lady walking her dog? The nice man taking his kids to school? The old man with the cane? The youth playing soccer in the field? Guerillas have a funny way of disguising themselves to look like the good guys. The only way you really know is when you feel the knife in your back.

Therefore the only temporary victory would be an utter annihilation of the nation of Lebabanon including all of its people. No moral nation in the world would do that! Therefore Israel lost this war before shooting its first missile.

Ro'i Klein a reservist left his two sons and wife to do his part as he always did before. Ro'i would do what ever it took to defend his homeland.

Amichai Merchavyah, a fellow reservist was captured by Hezbollah terrorists deep within Lebanon. Ro'i and his fellow soldiers went in pursuit of these terrorists trying to rescue him. They found themselves surrounded in a dead end alley by terrorists who threw a grenade at them.

Ro'i yelled out his final prayer "Shmah Israel" and leaped on top of the grenade. He sparred the lives of his fellow reservists.

The lucky that never had to go to Lebanon have the luxury of pointing fingers. The Top officials who made the decisions from afar now get to pass the buck. Now that the dust has settled the rest of the nations can take out their red markers and cross faces. Ro'i's name will never come up.

Ro'i never made it out of Lebanon to return to his wife and two sons. Ro'i gave his life for his country. Ro'i now is added to the long list of martyr's that have defended its land and history.

As a special gift for Roi's widow Sarah and their two son's the government lead by "peace now" has made a motion to kick them out of their home and land and give it to Palestinians that have never lived there before. Sarah and the many Jew's of Eli are trying to fight against this decision in court.

In these dark times Ro'i has shed light to the eternal victory of the Jew and its Nation.

marching on holy ground

2006-11-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

"A total of over 3,000 police were set to man event on Friday, and a further 2,500 policemen were due to be deployed in east Jerusalem, the Old City and around the Temple Mount out of concern that Palestinians would riot following Wednesday's shelling in Beit Hanun that killed twenty Gazan civilians."

The Jerusalem gay parade ended Friday in relative quiet.

"This test was one of the most complex that the Jerusalem Police, and the Police in general have ever been forced to face."

I have always wondered about these types of parades and marches in general. What are they supposed to accomplish?

Those sitting on the fence, did they decide to turn to a new type of life? Do the Jews in Jerusalem now have a new respect for the gay choice of life? I really don't think so.

Would those that marched in this parade support a "Klu Klu Klan" march in Jerusalem? Would they support a "dedicate your babies to the fires of Molech" parade? After all who draws the lines for freedom of speech?

I've never heard of a case in which salt in an open wound heals. 100 times out of 100 when a small child with an ice cream sticks his tongue out at his foe without and screeches "nah nah nah nah nahhhhh I've got ice cream and youuuuuuuuu don't" that child will have an adverse reaction.

I'm not here to preach about anti- or pro- gay rights. My only point is that methods of Provocation only yield losers on both sides.

The Jerusalem police had more than their hands full with the anticipated reactions from the Arabs surrounding Jerusalem. Was this so important as to endanger the lives of innocent civilians in an event of an Arab attack?

The pitfalls of building blocks without the blocks

2006-11-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many times I've had the old switch aroo played on me. People I speak to on the phone or have been in contact though the internet. They just never are the same people that I've created them to be in my head!

Maybe its one of the pitfalls of having a vivid imagination. But how can I always be so far off???? OK maybe you can't see the wings and tail of a dragon on the phone or through an email, but a sensitive people person like myself should be somewhere in the ball park.

Something that takes 2 minutes in person I don't think could be accomplished through a life time of phone conversations and email contact.

It's that person to person connection. There is something that takes place immediately that you know whether you want to see this person again. It's a very powerful thing and I don't think that anyone can really explain it.

It can't be picked up though phone lines, cable, or even ADSL high speed internet! I'm not talking about physical attraction or love at first sight! It's something on a much higher plane that maybe only our souls understand.

There are so many facets to a person. The human being is the most complex ball of atoms on the face of this planet. Before meeting with someone in person only a fool like myself would try imagining who that person really is.

I hope I have learned my lesson to let them build their own foundation stones in my head rather than me build them for them. It's too painful of a process to see so many buildings fall in an instance.

The lessons learned from driving 80 in a 20 mile per hour zone

2006-10-30T11:07:00.002-08:00

In those fractions of a second you ask yourself the serious questions!! You wonder how serious your life is going to change!! Will I make it! Why? How bad is this going to hurt?

My car was spinning out of control heading right towards a busy intersection. I remember seeing the traffic light flying vertical in the air and the cars and pedestrians frantically moving out of the way.

My car finally came to a stop. All of my windows were shattered from the traffic light now dangling from the top of my car. My friend and I were in shock as we sat in silence. We somehow managed to escape without a scratch.

What's the mechanics and how does it work? How many times are we able to cash out on our merit bank? What if it's empty? What if we come up just short?

I remember feeling alive that night. It felt good to be able to walk, to be able to breathe that cold night air. I can't say I was very religious at the time, but I sure thanked G-d. I was in the palm of his hands, I was loved.

Than just like that.... it was gone.

I now had to deal with all the hardships. The insurance, buying a new traffic light, all the paper work and questions, having to deal without a car for a month. Why me? What did I do? Why do I have to go through all these troubles?

I was reminded of this incident when I heard that my brother fell off his ladder from two stories high. It doesn't take to long to reach the ground from two stories high. Gravity will always have its way and the ground will eventually break the fall. However the number of scenarios from point x to point y are numerous.

A sore ankle falls on the far right side of favorable outcomes on the bell curve. I'm sure he thanked Hashem and went in and kissed his two kids and wife and told them how much he loved them.

When someone does something extra special for us we want to express our thanks and gratitude. We feel something extra special towards that person. G-d doesn't need our thanks or praise! When we are put in these situations they are really gifts in disguise enabling us to connect to him. That's that feeling of being alive!!

May all our wake up calls be gentle

The progression of modern day weapons

2006-10-25T04:19:00.000-07:00

They must have been pretty bad back then. There was no choice other than total flooding!! Only Noah and his crew were worthy of surviving.

How far are we today from them on moral grounds? Is our generation worthy of dry land under our feet?

"A woman used her 4-week-old baby as a weapon in a domestic dispute, swinging the infant through the air and striking her boyfriend with the child, authorities said."

I don't want to go into all the other hideous things going on during these times. I think this one alone speaks louder than words and I feel that the types of crimes in a generation are signs of where that generation is holding. Can we point to this one lady and say she is crazy, an exception, evil, insane, not like us!!

Most of us would probably like to think so and would never even imagine committing such a hideous crime. But where did she come from? Who spit her out?

She is part of our generation. She's part of the team. The Torah teaches that in every generation there is a possible Mashiach. In every generation there is a chance of building the 3rd temple and if it's not built during our days we only have ourselves to blame.

How can Mashiach be here with this lady acting in such a way?? How can the temple be rebuilt with crimes such as these occurring at its doorsteps??

OOOH maybe there's a way out. She was definitely not Jewish!! A Jew would never do such a thing, no way!!! It's them that are bad!!! They are way off track!!

Unfortunately though we know from history and our sages that the world and its occurrences are just mirror images of what is happening with and within the Jewish people. We are to be priests to the nations and to teach the world morality, it appears the message is not being delivered properly.

the painful unknowing

2006-06-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight I will go to sleep in my comfortable bed. I will hopefully fall asleep with warm thoughts about my beautiful children and loving family abroad. I will be in the safety of my familiar 4 walls. I will look forward to tomorrow and hope to come that much closer to my dreams.

Gilad Shalit will not have any of these luxuries. He knows the chances of him ever seeing his family again are very very low. He is surrounded by monsters that impatiently wait for the go to have at him. There is no one to tend to his wounds.

His dreams exploded with the artillery shell that hit his tank on his base just outside the Gaza Strip. If he falls asleep tonight he realizes that it could be his last night. He will fall asleep with horrible thoughts of various scenarios on how they will finish him off.

Gilad's parent's home is not a home anymore. There is a hole so deep that will keep its foundation shaky forever. There is no peace. Every hopeful thought is wiped away quickly by stomach pains that speak the truth. They would give anything just to have their son back. There is nothing they can do now!

I pray for a miracle that Gilad returns from the hell that he is in now. I pray for his parents that they will be able to hold him once again. I pray that the people holding him will grow a conscious and do the right thing.

to be rich at such a young age

2006-06-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

"shay atah teheay semach" (that you should be happy) The child sits in front of the class and each kid comes up and gives the birthday boy/girl some type of blessing. It's a great custom that they have at this school that my children go to.

One of the first things that most people comment on Y, my 3 year old, is that he is just so happy!! I hear it from other parents, his teacher, the people that run the school, and just about everyone that has any type of interaction with him.

Y can lighten up anyone's day. He usually walks around with a bit of a skip. He sings a lot! He loves to give hugs! He does this really cute thing in most public places. Its a march/skip type thing. He takes about 20 steps in the space he would normally take one. The result is a very loud squeeching noise. I don't know why but it always finishes with him waving his hand in the air.

At home he is so much fun to have around. He loves to help me do things. I have yet to pick any of my fruit from my trees without him being there putting them in the bucket. He loves to take little bites out of the fruit as we pick them to make sure they are good. He also loves to help me cook! He loves putting the stuff in the pots. He insists on being there when I cut onions even though the results are the same every time.

No matter what the plan is, he always gives the same reaction. He first asks, or I tell him, what we are doing, than he gives off this big "yehhhhhhhhhhhhh." In a recent trip to America we told him we were going to the county dump!! Same reaction!

Every time I'm with him he has a different favorite thing he likes to hold in his hand. It's never something normal, or something you would expect. Yesterday it was five hard black beans. Today it was the plastic top of a water bottle, the part you normally throw away. Anywhere we go they have to go with him. He sleeps with them too! I spent five minutes this morning tearing the bed apart looking for the fifth bean! It's very cute. Even YO, my 6 year old, says it's so cute.

When I drop him off at Gan it's always the same routine. I give him some type of little treat. He gives me a kiss on each cheek and runs to this little bench that lets him peek out the window. He waits there patiently till I finish dropping off Yo to his classroom and make my way out of the building. He than proceeds to blow me about five kisses and tells me he loves me. That goodbye stays with me the whole day.

The teacher said it was just so fitting for Y to give this birthday kid that blessing. This is one of the many special gifts that he has been blessed with. I hope and pray that he will always be this happy.

a momentary lapse of memory

2006-06-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

There are those commercials that will remain in my head forever. There are songs that I learned as a kid that I will never forget. Phone numbers of friends that I had when I was in grade school are still engraved in my memory. 822-6440 Matt Munger, 822-4221 Kerry Winterrowd, 821-6548 Susie Ridenhour.

I can sing just about every Christmas song backwards and forwards and I'm Jewish!!! Those commercials "my bologna has a first name its....," "I'm a pepper your a pepper wouldn't you like to be a pepper too...," and the various McDonalds ones, I got them all down.

Who can't remember the theme song to the Brady Bunch? Gilligan's Island??? I can still remember the "Pledge of Allegiance" I haven't had to say it for over 25 years!!

So why is it when it comes to important things I can't remember them for the life of me. I haven't remembered my parents birthday's for years!! I'm always a week late for Mother's and Father's day. Two years ago I didn't realize it was my own birthday till I went to sleep that night. I always get confused whenever I try and remember my social security number. I can't remember people's names a second after they tell me!!

In Israel practically everything that you do here you have to use your ID number. If you were to offer me a million dollars for that nine digit number I couldn't do it. OOOH But if you want my buddy Matt's number that I haven't called in 20 years, no problem!

Here's the kicker of all kickers!! A few years ago I had to take my ex-wife's mother back to the airport to go home. No, we don't speak a common language. At the security check point they thought this was a little suspicious. Why would I be taking her to the airport when I can't even speak her language? As a final security question they asked me my kids names. I drew a complete blank!! I forgot my kids names!! It took me a few minutes to decollate their names. By that time I don't think the security lady was too convinced. In short her mom had to go through the ringer!! She didn't understand why she was cornered out!!! I shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't know why either. How do you describe to someone that you just forgot your kids names even in your own language??

In learning Torah, we work so hard to figure it out. If you don't review it a few hundred times you lose it almost as if you never had it in the first place. But those commercials, Christmas songs, and old phone numbers, I got them down cold!!! What's up with that??

red #40, delectosinphybite, yellow #345, rhybotheibsameine,etc, etc

2006-06-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am the first to admit it, I love candy!! I don't think there is a day in my life where I didn't have at least one piece of candy. As long as it has sugar in it and a majority of ingredients that I can't pronounce I'm a big fan. There are too many favorites to be able to pick just one.

On camping trips my grandma would always give each kid a red rope licorice. It was good on its own, but there was one little trick to make it even that much better. Rubbing dirt all over it, leaving a fine dust, gave it just the right taste. The trick is to make sure the licorice is dry before dunking it in the dirt, than you have to shake off any big chunks.

On a long road trip with my parents and brother one of my fondest memories were two little Jolly Rancher candies, watermelon and green apple. The flavor just explodes in your mouth and it lasts till the last drop. That's the bonus of Jolly Rancher candies they are awesome from beginning to end. Unlike most gum where the good flavor only lasts for a short while.

That same grandma would also give us money for "Dales," (basically 7-11). 50 cents per child would usually get you: one starburst, one pack of sweet tarts, and a small pack of gum. I don't think I ever made it back to Grandma's house with anything left.

I was introduced to gummy bears through my cousin Ryan, he received a package for his birthday from some German friends. Wow! the harder the better. Red and white ones are the best.

Swedish Fish also rank up there among the best. They have to be the originals though. All of the counterfeit ones are garbage. Its such a let down every time you think you got the right one and than find out it's an imposter. My good friend MC Aryeah drove for over an hour, passing over at least 4 bridges just to send me a package of the real ones. That's a care package!!

Nabisco has let me down big time with Sweet tarts. They were the longest running favorite in my books. For some reason they can't make these guys Kosher. All the types were great: giant tarts, chewy, and the classic roll. I remember having a hurt tongue the day after licking the giant tarts.

I can't remember the name but there were these bottle cap type candies. They had about 10 silver dollar size candies in a clear long wrapper. Green apple and watermelon were the best. Banana was a bit of a gig.

I don't know if they still exist but they were pretty tasty. The first few minutes were good but than you were just left with a big ball of wax. The good old fashioned liquid flavored wax sticks!!

Now you say, ok where's the chocolate!! I hear it! There is no doubt about it I love Chocolate and have eaten my fair share. I could mention malt balls but there is always the down side to them. After about 20 to 25 you feel sick to your stomach and they don't taste that good anymore. Also every 5 to 6 of them you get a dud, it's kind of chewy rather than malt bally.

Every time I go to a dentist I get such good marks. "Wow you take pretty good care of your teeth hah? No cavities!!!!" "Do you floss?" no, not really "do you brush after every meal?" what? There are people that brush more than once a day??? "Do you get them checked every year or two?" I thought you are supposed to get them checked once every 8 years!!!! Most will argue it's because of good genes. I will let you in on a little secret to healthy teeth: lots of candies and lots of nail biting!!

Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom.....

2006-05-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

I have been camping throughout Israel at a number of different spots. I love camping. My parents introduced me to it before I was even born. Camping was a big part of my life growing up. Its hard for me to describe what I love about it.

I love the smell in the morning of breakfast being cooked by fellow campers. I love relaxing by the campfire. The taste of a marshmallow that are lightly browned, right off the stick. Shmores! Family, friends, and even the interesting people you meet that are camping around you. Being surrounded by nature. Being dirty and disgusting and not being bothered about it. The utter silence!

Well things are a little different here in Israel. There is always one thing you can almost always expect no matter where or when you go camping here. Most people that know me claim that I like to exadurate. That's true, but my kids are proof that what I am about to tell you is correct.

As I said I have been camping in Israel many times and 9 times out of 10 my camping experience was accompanied by loud thumping dance club music. All day and all night long!!!
Now you would think that the two don't go together. Well at least I don't see it. My kids are already used to it, they can even sleep through the night. Its a part of the experience for them. They have come to expect it every time.

At our last camping experience in Ashkelon there was actually a camping music tug-a-war between three different campsites. From three corners of the camping area each was trying to prove that their stereo was louder. It was a close fight. At about 3:30 in the morning one of them threw in the towel, or his car battery gave way. At about 6:00 in the morning the remaining contestant's sound systems were thumping away at full volume. We didn't hear any birds that morning. We didn't go to sleep to the sounds of waves breaking, not far from where we were sleeping. I woke up with a bit of a headache.

The time before that, we went camping in a small campground on the shores of the Kinneret. One camper equipped with an external electric supply to power his many sets of 20 inch woofers got the trophy with no competition. It wasn't even close! There was an elder Russian man who tried putting up a fight with his acoustic guitar. He quit early on due to the fact that he couldn't hear if his guitar was in tune or not.

I spoke to others about this as well. I am not alone on this one. I still don't get it though, it blows me away. The funny thing is that they do everything else though. They roast hot dogs, marshmallows, campfires, take walks, and swim. We're talking full fledged camping here. They just add this little extra element to have a complete camping Israeli experience.

Does it come to mind that maybe somebody else might not like "Dance Baby Dance" at full volume at 4:00 in the morning? If we have trouble conversing with each other at our campsite, can they hear each other at all? How long does it take to prepare a 24 hour straight set, song after song, no commercials, BASE inclined disc?

Maybe I'm outdated?? Maybe I'm missing the point? Maybe next time I go camping I should bring a stereo and pump some "Grateful Dead" back at them?

a nation that has run out of toes to shoot

2006-04-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Its funny to see what some people do with the power that they obtain. Most people use it to better themselves and their friends and family. When it comes to countries, history has shown they tend to flex their muscles and bully around a few neighbors and maybe take over an extra country or two. Its just the nature of power and its always been that way!! Have I got a story for you though!

There's this little dot of a country that has only been around for a very short while. Since its existence its neighbors and the majority of the world has been trying to wipe it off the face of the earth. Even within its borders there exists a nation that's main goal is to wipe it out. Miraculously this little country the size of Rhode Island has become one of the super powers military wise. It has the power to wipe out countries a hundred times its size at a push of a button.

The people of this country have suffered immensely for thousands and thousands of years. They have been expelled from every country they have dwelled. They are a people that are used to being kicked out of their homes. In our life times they have been kicked out of their homes and led to death camps. A little less than a year ago a new trend has begun! A very sick trend that should blow your minds.

As missiles by our enemies fell onto our holy soils our own government decided to kick our own people out of their homes. Jews that have come straight from the death camps of the Holocaust to build their homes are now being evacuated by a Jewish government. The majority of this nation has voted for a government that's main platform is to evacuate more Jews from their homes.

Its leaders have discussed various borders. They have stated they would push for an evacuation till the 67 borders, 48 borders, or 56 borders. This is still unclear, they are still uncertain of how many thousands of Jews will be kicked out of their homes. Its enemies are certain of its borders. There has really never been much debate on the matter. The border they aim for is very clear!! It is not attached to any date but rather to the moon. Its fluctuation is very faint, in the morning, low tide and in the evenings, high tide.

Is your living room safe than?? Are there a number of homes that will satisfy them? Maybe now that we are kicking ourselves out of our homes that will appease them?

This is just stage one!!! Next up.. The story of a nation that first evacuated its own people from their homes and now moves to use its vast military strategies against itself. Grab a chair and a big tub of popcorn and watch as they destroy themselves as its enemies watch in amazement

A brief history of bar fights

2006-03-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

Where do you think you are going to meet her, in a bar????? This question is asked by many, to the single folk out there. It's always asked with a bit of sarcasm. Of course you are not going to meet your perfect mate in a bar, right??? Well maybe let's not be so quick to judge here!!!!!

The wise always say we should look into our past to learn how we should conduct ourselves in the present and future. Let's take a look at our forefathers and the greats of our Jewish Heritage. Two of the three of our forefathers/matriarchs met at a bar, sort of speak. O.K, they didn't serve Guinness on draft, whiskey shots, and fine vodka, but they did serve the freshest drink in town, as much as you can drink.

Isaac found his wife Rivka at a well. She was judged at how she conducted herself there. She passed with flying colors!! She not only gave the whole caravan of foreigners to drink, but also all their camels!! That's a lot of trips to the bar. I don't know if you ever saw a camel drink water, well me neither, but I hear they drink an awful lot.

Jacob also found his soul mate at a well. There are all different types of competitions that take place in bars. I am sure you've seen arm wrestling in bars. I am sure you have probably seen a bar fight or two. What happened on this particular day takes the cake though. There was this huge stone that covered up the well, it takes a group of people to even budge it. Jacob walks up to this thing, takes a deep breath and rolls this thing right off. End of story, Jacob waters Rachel's flock and she immediately falls for him.

Moses met his wife Zipporah also at a watering hole. There were a whole bunch of Shepard's that apparently drank a little too much that day and were getting a little out of hand. The daughters of the priest of Median just wanted to get some water for themselves and their flocks, these bullies wouldn't let them get anywhere near the well. Moses had finally seen enough and knew it was time to take action. He stood up and took out all of the Shepard's single handedly, he drove them all away. He than watered all of her flocks and won her heart immediately.

These are but a few of the instances of love and well's in our vast history. Time magazine in 2005 came out with an article on professions of woman from around the world. Don't get angry with me, I didn't publish this thing. The number one profession of woman in the world is 'water carrying.'

Now, there has to be something to all this right?? Should I slip into my disco shoes and head out to the nearest watering hole? Should I work out the best lines I can think of "hey, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this??" I guess times have changed a bit. The watering holes just aren't the same as they used to be.

Alfred, is this what you had in mind???

2006-03-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

It must have been a terrible year in 1994. Was this the best they could come up with? How did they arrive at such a decision? I imagine the procedure went something like this:

Welcome everyone, tonight is a very important night where we gather to appoint the winner of the Noble peace prize. Are there any suggestions? A few murmurs are heard throughout the crowd... "How about Mother Teresa??" Crowd gives a sigh of approval. Sorry folks we already gave her one, the rules state we can't give anyone two!! "Gandhi!" crowd cheers!! Come on folks he's been dead for quite some time, the rules state we can't award any dead people. "E.T.!!" crowd gives off a deep huummmmmm! Alrighty we're getting out of hand here people, we can't give it to E.T.!!!!

The suggestions continue. "Rosa Parks!" "Pope John Paul II" "Joan Biaz!" The crowd is out of control, they are proud of their suggestions! I think we are getting closer now, you're on the right track. Than one boldly stands up and silents the crowd "Yasser Arafat!" The crowd bolts out in laughter. The mediator gives a motion of silence and lets him speak regarding his suggestion.

"Alrighty now hear me out people. Yasser and his killing machines have murdered 10% less innocent woman and children in the year 1994 as opposed to 1993." Crowd gives off a deep hummmm. "Although he tells his own people he wants to wipe Israel off the map, he did mention to us that he has peaceful intentions." Crowd starts to clap!! "Although he did keep 90 percent of the money given to the Palestinian people for himself, he did give some to his people" the crowd starts to clap and cheer!! "There are still two people left in the world that could possibly be bigger scum bags than him! Sadam Hussein and Bin Laden" the crowd now on their feet out of control. "He also has lots of medals on the coat he wears, and a really cool turban" the crowd starts jumping all over each other in excitement!! The mediator barely able to speak due to his own excitement, so I think we have a winner here, we don't even need to vote!!!

A unanimous decision on Yasser Arafat being awarded the coveted Noble Peace prize. I'm sure Alfred Noble would have been proud!!

triple diamond extravaganza

2006-02-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

"Are we there yet?" I was so excited to get there. My parents explained to me what it is and all the fun things you could do with it. Some things though you have to experience on your own.

I couldn't wait to park the car, I just wanted to get out there to experience "snow." The car finally came to a stop. I was so excited, I didn't know what to do first. Should I start to make a snowman? Throw a snowball at my brother? Make an angel imprint? Go sledding? Make a snow cone? Build an igloo? Make yellow snow???? It was a major overload experience!!

The door flew open, I go running out of the car with a big red circular slay in hand ready to take on the mountain. Now you have to understand a few things here. The best runs usually aren't next to the places where you park the car, you usually have to walk a bit to the proper sledding areas. Secondly, those circular disks don't have the best steering capabilities. Thirdly, the steeper the slope the faster you will go. Fourthly, if you are moving at a high speed on a disc that you can't control that well, on a steep slope, in an area next to where you parked the car, a large tree is the worst method of slowing down.

Before anyone else was even able to exit the car, in record time I miraculously managed to sprain my arm. Now I have a few questions here. How was I able to get out of the car with a disc two times bigger than me so quickly? Was I driving up there with it on my lap? I don't think so! Did I not see the Forest of billions of trees about 10 feet from the start of my chosen run that would inevitable be my finish line? Most ski areas have different runs marked by signs like: Blue circle=easy, red square=intermediate, blue diamond=advanced , black diamond=hairy, double black diamond=insane, triple black diamond=death. Did I feel I was up for a triple black diamond run on my first red disc experience?

My parents and brother got out of the car like normal people and were now faced with a crying ball of snow. I'm not sure if they even saw what happened. After all it did occur within one minute of parking the car. All I can remember is the pain. I don't remember the joy of those three seconds of ultra high speed. I was moving though! I don't think I ever got the chance to make a snowball that day or even make an angel imprint.

The rest of that day was spent at the hospital. It could have been much worse, I left with a semi-broken arm and a big sticker for being a good sport. I will never forget my first "snow" experienc though! I still dislike those round discs. No matter what you do, you always end up going down the hill backwards.

If this horse had eyes!

2006-02-23T08:08:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a bit of a deja vu. I knew I had been at that exact spot before, I felt all the same feelings. There was the butterflies, the anticipation, the 'what if's', the excitement of the unknown. There was one major difference though.

There's this big iron horse that sits at the top of Ben Yehudah Street. It's pretty hideous actually, I don't know why its still there. It's always a good point of reference for meeting. After you go through all the other points of meeting that you know and you don't succeed, there's always the horse. Meet you at the hideous iron horse at 8:00!!

I'll tell you, it was a little strange to sit under that horse again last night. As I waited to meet S I had a little re-acquaintance with that old horse. I told him all about the previous 8 years and what transpired since our first meeting. I told him about my two angels, about N and where it went from after meeting here, and why we got divorced. He gave me an iron neighhh of approval and now I was ready to start my search once again.

Yes it was a deja vu to be standing there again, but this time things were different. Or were they? How much did I change in those 8 years? Did I become a better person? Do I have more Torah knowledge? Do I have a better grasp on life? Have my long term goals changed?

I realized that in some of these areas I have changed tremendously, yet in others I remained very much the same. What I was looking for in a wife back than and what I am looking for today are very similar. Its something from within that knows exactly what it needs. It drives to find that which will perfect itself.

Call me a dreamer if you will but I am a firm believer. The Torah states, "30 days before you are brought into this world you meet your second half (basherit)." Your soul yearns to meet her in order to bring them both to perfection. There are those that argue with this! I have seen with my own eyes this joyful union. B"H I have seen it with close friends, I have seen it in my own parents, my brother, and a number of Rabbeum. Why is it so difficult for some to re-join and why do some have to try a few times?

I haven't met anyone yet who told me that life was easy. There was no form that I signed when coming into this world that everything would go my way. We are meant to work here! We are supposed to give our 100 percent. Generally the things that we acquire for little or no effort aren't our most precious things. It isn't any wonder that my most valued treasures in life are those I had I had to work extremely hard for.

Therefore I am ready to work hard for one of the biggest decisions in life. I am ready to climb any mountain, or cross any sea or desert to find my second half. I won't settle for anything less than the woman who will bring us both to perfection. I give myself and my many good friends out there who are single a blessing: May we find the right zivug before
Rosh Hashanah 5767!!!!

Hey, Why are we the only ones laughing here?

2006-02-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

There's that moment of no return. It's that point where there is nothing you could possibly do to stop it. It's that look we get on our faces that lasts for about 5 seconds. After that, it's all over! The next and last step is usually my brother running first out of the situation. I don't know why, but I stay there for a minute or so looking like a fool laughing uncontrollably before my exit.

My parents for some reason bought front row tickets to go see this play at a fairly large auditorium. We're talking front row center! Right behind the orchestra. When everything went silent and the curtains opened we gave each other the look. Not intentional I might add! We tried to turn away and not look at each other, it didn't help. In dead silence before the first actor opened his mouth, the audience of a few thousand people witnessed my brother running at full speed up the aisle laughing hysterically trying to get to the lobby. I hunched down in my seat as low as I could. My mom gave me that look. I lasted for about a minute maximum before my dash to the lobby. We never returned to our seats. My parents never bought front row seats again.

My parents thought it was a good idea for some reason to bring over a priest from the Seven Day Adventist cult for dinner. They knew that the two of us didn't like the idea, but they never thought we would disrespect him or anything like that. We of course also had no intention of disrespecting him. The priest didn't realize that we don't really have free choice in these types of matters. We sat down at the table and got introduced. We didn't even start eating yet! The priest starts to give my brother some type of parve blessing. He looks over at me! We skipped the 5 second hold-out period and went straight into uncontrollable laughter. Again he runs from the table and I stay there for about half a minute to get the look from my mom. Upstairs are two young adults laughing historically. My parents had to eat the meal alone with the priest. You see, we couldn't go back down stairs. We knew from past experiences that any type of return to the scene would result in similar results. We never got the blessing from the priest that night.

A distant cousin of ours that we hardly ever see came to visit us at my grandparent's house. We had tons of family there at the time. They were all so excited about getting the distant cousins together. This one particular cousin is "retarded." He had a talent of remembering all types of baseball statistics. You could ask him anything. His latest kick was punk rock bands. My brother didn't really like punk rock bands. When he gave my brother the phone number as a gift (in front of about 20 family members) he made the mistake of looking over at my face. This was one of those cases where we tried as hard as we possibly could, honestly! But after the first "phif" out of my tightly closed lips, it was all over. In this case for some reason there was no where to run. We stood there like idiots laughing while 20 family members looked on with looks of complete disbelief. My mom had that look of course. We carried on, there was nothing we could do. I'm pretty sure that's the last time that side of the family ever came to visit us.

The longest one ever recorded was the time it takes to play 2 golf holes. An older fellow we were playing with decided to take a rather risky shot on an uphill slope away from the pond. The nicely dressed man proceeded to chunk the shot and ended up taking an unintentional dive into that merky pond. It was a cold day! He didn't think it was funny a bit. He also didn't think it was funny that we continued laughing continuously through the two remaining holes. There was that time when my grandmother introduced her new boyfriend to us. There was also that time my parents decided to take us to a very expensive restaurant. There are many more!

Unfortunately I don't get to see my brother all that often. But I have no doubt in my mind that if the opportunity arises we would be quick to dig ourselves back into the hole that we've found ourselves in so many times.

Happy T'B Shvaut to a very special 1000 trees.

2006-02-15T07:56:00.000-08:00

"What do you mean I have no connection to Israel??? I planted a TREE there and have a little paper to prove it." Over 75 percent of the Jews in the world have never stepped foot on this holy land yet most have had a TREE planted in their name here. What's so special about a TREE?

My parents moved from one of the biggest armpits of America, Los Angeles, to the middle of nowhere. It was a decision based on where it would be best to raise two boys. Hell on earth, or on the top of this mountain on 42 acres surrounded by billions of TREES, streams, ponds, and even an occasional bear appearance. I commend them on one of the many good decisions they made in life.

One thing this particular piece of property was not lacking was TREES! There were lots of TREES. NO! You don't understand, were talking woodpecker heaven. When the box came in the mail from the forest service with 1000 saplings I don't think anybody understood what my father was thinking. "Dad, I think we have enough TREES already!!!"

I can't say those are the best memories I have growing up, me and my brother watering those trees a couple times a week. Some could be reached by attaching the 4 fifty yard hoses together, but a good number had to be watered by bucket. That means filling it up at the stream and hiking to each TREE!! My brother reminds my father of this every time he sees him. "Dad what's up with those TREE'S??? 2 billion TREES weren't enough???"

Sometimes it's hard for a parent to notice the physical growth of their children. Others who haven't seen them for a month or so well say "wow he grew so fast." Growing up amongst these TREES, I hardly noticed their growth. I didn't even pay attention that new TREE'S were even sprouting up from these TREES.

My father never explained himself. He is a very humble wise man, one of the wisest I have ever met. He knew one day we would learn on our own. Some things just can't be taught with words. If you were to go there today, it would be hard to differentiate between the ones we planted and the original ones that inhabited the land before. We changed the natural habitat of a mountain. We created new homes for millions of species of animals. We increased the oxygen supply on the planet. We made a difference!!!

Rav Orlowek in one of his lectures stated "a great man is one that plants a TREE in his lifetime with the intention of its fruits to be eaten by the generations that follow" There is a lot to be said about that, take from it what you may. These TREE'S that he planted make a long term positive change on this earth. Just because there are billions of TREES here doesn't mean that you don't have to plant one. If you don't, you missed one of the most important lessons of life. "YOU!!!!!!" have to do your efforts to make a long-term positive change in this world.

Unfortunately for many, their claim to a positive impact on this earth is in the form of a 3 by 3 card with JNF written on it. Others will plant their TREE themselves here and even have a picture to prove it. In extremely rare occasions you will find people like my father who will create a whole forest and change this world for the good in more ways than they will ever know.

If you believe in Fairies... than clap your hands

2006-02-11T13:28:00.000-08:00

Something is a little strange here. There comes a time in everyone's life where they realize that it was really their parents who put the money under the pillow, and not the tooth fairy. At some point we find out that the Bogey man doesn't really exist. At a certain age we find out the true facts about that fat guy with the red and white costume who keeps showing up all over the place with the flying deer and slay. Most people find out about these things at a very young age.

If you would find an adult who still believed in these things, probably you would have him committed. How about huge groups of people? Countries? Well... Ready for a whopper?

Now I'm not sure which is worse, so I will present both sides. Israel is very upset, hurt, and downright angry!! "We demand that you recognize us!!" She proclaims to the disbelievers out there. She may not have a slay, wand, or any flying deer, but she can bring lots of proof of her existence. She even has a flag. She can present all types of various food wrappers that say right on the package 'made in Israel.' She can present to you all types of maps that show all her roads and places of interest. There are even millions of people that will even stand up for her to state that they live there, they even have special cards that they carry with them at all times, with the name "Israel" written on them. It's just not fair! How can they not believe in me?

Now I've never been to the North Pole, but neither has Santa. Now maybe I'm a little naive but I do believe in the North Pole, but not in Santa. Israel??? Give me proff. If you look at all their maps and all their websites you will find that Israel really doesn't exist. With all the technology today who's to say that really Israel only exists in a Hollywood studio in California? OK it doesn't go that far you say, fine! Is it any worse than stating that you don't accept the scientific proofs that the world is round? How could such a large group of people and even countries still hold as part of their official charters that Israel does not exist?

Maybe if we beg hard enough, give them more land, release more prisoners with blood on their hands, give them more guns, more money, more training, than maybe, just maybe they will believe in us one day.

I spent all that money on this!!!

2006-02-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Now you shouldn't anticipate something too special in this post because there is no way it could possibly meet your anticipation level. Come to think of it, anything that is finite by definition would fall short of the highest expectations.

The greatest part of any vacation is that moment from locking the house, to the walk to the car. "This trip is going to be awesome, I can't wait!!!" Once in the car a child starts to scream. The temperature is too hot. It's pretty uncomfortable with all this baggage. Than start the worries. "Did I forget anything," "Are we going to make it there on time," What if this.. what if that." Even a great trip where everything went perfect, you still can't wait to get home. That's till you get home.

The greatest part of going to the movies is either the previews or the first few seconds of the film before the introductions take place. In some cases even the purchase of the tickets can be the climax. Sequels hardly ever are a success because you already wrote and directed the film before stepping into the theatre. It's very rare that they ever follow your script, therefore the film fails.

The greatest part of going to a fancy restaurant is everything leading up to the food. The walk from the car to the restaurant is usually the climax. By the time the plate thumps down on the table thoughts are running through your head "maybe we should have went to....??" By the second bite you might has well went to a fast food joint.

The greatest part of going on a blind date is the time preparing yourself at home. During the drive to go meet her you are already preparing yourself for the worst. This is the most unfair one of all. There is no way anyone on the face of this earth could possibly measrure up to the person you built up in your mind at home.

The greatest part of a new item of clothing, is that moment you decide to buy it in the store. The high here can even last sometimes past the checkout counter and even sometimes till you get home. Thats the trick with the fancy bags they put it in. Once you try it on though, you are convinced that there was some type of mixup at the counter.

The greatest part of buying a new car is that walk from when they put the keys in your hands, till you use it for the first time to open the door. Once inside, out of the fancy lighted showcases, it goes downhill from there. The next day when you see another one in a different color, the sweating sets in. Shortly after when the XLS Turbo "II " comes out, you might as well donate this pile of junk to a scarp metal yard.

The greatest part of a job is that moment they inform you that you got the job. After day one, the boss and all the workers weren't quite as you expected. All the millions of little things that weren't discussed during the interview start to rear their ugly heads.

There all tons of examples of anticipation downers and I could go on and on but.... being that I already shot down your level of anticipation I will stop here. I will leave you with one exception to the rule that I have found. The greatest part of bringing a child into this world is now, tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. B"H my two boys have blown way beyond my highest expectations.

May the Almighty grant them peace

2006-02-05T10:54:00.000-08:00

I knew that this day would come some time. I dreaded it. I wasn't sure what I would do when the moment arises. They say time heals, but in some cases I'm not so sure. Some craters are just too deep to fill.

The neighbor across the street left for work that day like he always did. He said goodbye to his wife and baby (6 months), he sent two of his older boys (5 and 8) to gan, and headed out in the heavy rain. The weather already claimed two accidents that same week in our small community of 35 families. 5 days earlier I was very upset at my personal tragedy of totaling my car!!! . Today I am still so upset with myself for those feelings I had. I left that intersection on my feet without a scratch!!! My neighbor and his family lost everything.

I was at the car rental agency when I got the phone call. I, like everybody else who knew them went numb. What can one possible say to something like this. What do you tell the children? How could she possibly go on? I realized driving back home that the agency had given me the exact same car and color as the one that he had. I debated whether I should return it and exchange it for another make or color. Three days later I regretted not making the right decision.

I forgot something in the house that day, I don't remember what. I left my car on the street running. I got back in my car and for some reason looked in my rear-view window. The 8 year old was standing with a few other kids waiting for the bus. He took a few steps out of the bus stop towards my car with a wide curious look upon his face. He suddenly got this big smile on his face and started running towards my car. I didn't know what to do!!! I knew exactly what he was thinking. "I knew they were all wrong, I knew he would come home" My heart and stomach were on the floor, I was crying. I hit the gas and drove away like a coward. I wish I would have stayed and taken him in my arms and promised him everything would be ok, but I couldn't, I just couldn't!!

I had to drive around in that rental car for another month. Every time I would pass them on the street, or they would just see it parked there, would be a reminder. I hated that car!

I don't know how, but for 1 1/2 years I never ran into her on the street or at the Shul or in any situation where you would have to have some kind of response. What can you possibly say to someone in that situation? Yesterday I was walking on the street and that moment occurred. "mashlo mech?" How are you? spewed out of my mouth!!! How are you? Its times like these where you want to find the person, group, or country that established this as a way of greeting someone you don't know that well. She gave this smile that said it all!! "How do you think I am? A mother of three small children alone in the world and nobody can possibly understand how I feel"

Young, Gifted, and Black

2006-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

My first introduction to music came to me in the start of my 3rd grade, from a rare find in the garbage bins of the town dump area. Upon throwing our bags of goodies in, my parents noticed a rather large box of record albums. They were in perfect condition! Who would do such a thing? We of course took them, and I was thus introduced to the world of music.

There were The Doors, The Beetles, The Mama's and The Papa's, Steely Dan, Barbara Streisand, Barry Manilow, and much much more. My first go was on a Beetle's album. I still remember the green apple on the record going around and around. I was't too impressed though. I did like the song about an Octupus and his garden. I don't know if I liked the music per se, I just felt that it was such a cool idea to sing about an Octupus. I tried a few more albums, but none of them really did it for me.

Than I experienced the Doors 'Waiting For The Sun.' Hello I love you.... Love Street... Wow! I played it over and over again for weeks. I was moved! I felt what music was.

At school that week all the kids were talking about their favorite bands. Everyone of course said "Kiss." I agreed!! I mean who ever heard of The Doors. I had to find out who "Kiss" was though. I begged my parents. "Why do you need more albums, we have a whole chest full upstairs." I did finally get a Kiss album for my birthday. I listened to the whole thing, I wasn't too impressed. After all it wasn't The Doors!!!

Later in life most of my music influences came from my brother. He introduced me to Pink Floyd by convincing me the only way to listen to this one particular song was by laying on your back and placing two rather large speakers on both sides of your head. After that I was hooked!! That is until he introduced me to The Grateful Dead. All the other bands now fell by the wayside. Lets just say I saw a few shows, the best of course were with my brother.

I am trying to limit though my children's exposure to secular music somewhat. I do make mistakes though from time to time. On the way home from school yesterday I played this really groovy blues song called "to be young, gifted and black." They only heard it once. All day today Y1, my 6 year old was walking around the house singing "young, GRIFTY and black.. and thats a fact." Y2 my 3 year old was singing "young, GREASY and black.. thats a fact." Now there are so many reasons why thats just plain wrong.

I think the only reason why one would throw such a fine collection out is because of religious reasons. I myself don't see it. Music has only drawn me closer to Hashem. I love going into shabbat after listening to a nice piece of music. Music has helped my kavanah (spiritul intentions) before prair. I sure hope that person is a much better soul for what he did, I thank him all the same.

All for the sake of peace

2006-01-26T23:27:00.000-08:00

An entire people have diplomatically voted in support of the murder of innocent woman and children. An entire people cheer in support of a landslide victory that's major basis of existence is for the ultimate destruction of Israel. Not just the leaders now, but the people as a whole have shown the world their true colors.

The initial response by Israel and the world is "we will not deal with a Hamas run government." Wow that sounds pretty stark! I don't buy it for a minute. My question than is... How long will it take till we start to supply them with arms? How long will it be till we start to train them on how to better take out our soldiers? How long will it be till we aid them in bettering their suicide mission activities? Lastly, how long will it take for this monster that we created be capable of carrying out its ultimate mission ????

It's always so interesting how quick people forget things. My prediction is in about 1 to 2 weeks the world will be condemning Israel on its lack of acceptance of a government established in a diplomatic manner. Soon after Israel will of course bow down and kiss the feet of what ever beast comes out as its leader.

Again we will try to "talk" with them. We will sit with them in nicely decorated rooms drinking fine teas. Their leaders will be invited maybe to Camp David, Washington, and even a personal tour of the newly improved Pentagon. All this in return for promises they will keep their hands to themselves.

Upon return to their fine homes built with Israeli money and designed by Western Architects, they will place their rewards and ribbons of promises of peace on their polished shelves. They will slip into a costume that fits much better to them, it will be laid with drops of blood from the thousands of innocent people that have been slayed, murdered, and lynched. They will step out to the crowd who are waiting impatiently, saliva drooling from their mouths, and announce to them that they are one step closer.