What you didn't learn in Ulpan

"Is it possible for me to order checks from this branch even though my account is at another branch?" she answers "ani lo betucha!" loosely translated as I'm not certain, but really the translation is far off, really far off!!! There are quite a few terms that you really don't learn from Ulpan and just have to learn on your own. It took me a while to learn that lo (no) ken (yes) and a slew of other terms really mean something quite different.

You see things work quite different here in Israel. Let me tell you what she meant. "ani lo betucha" means of course it's possible, but it's a lot of work and I'd rather you take it as a no and get the heck out of here. If she were to tell me "b shom ofen lo" (certainly not) this means: it's a pretty good chance that it can be done, you just need to speak to someone different.

If she were to say "ma pe tom" (what are you talking about, are you crazy) this means maybe yes, maybe no, she has no idea whether it can be done or not. Now in a case where she just lays down a flat out "lo" (no): This actually can be a sign that you can't do it, but you never can be sure. It would still be best to try to speak to someone else to see if it really is possible.

Sometimes you will get a "ain davar cazeh" (there is nothing like this, impossible) In rare occasions it does mean no and that what you are asking is crazy. But in most cases if you ask the person next to her or the manager you will find that its no problem and people do it all the time. She will than give you this strange look like (wow I never heard that before!!), this look is usually accompanied by a low groan haaaaaaaa.

What you really have to be careful of is the quick yes!!! The results will almost always be different than that what you requested, like getting a debit card sent to you instead of checks or worse yet, you leaving thinking you accomplished your goal and later finding out that what you really wanted was impossible in the first place. So Yes, a ken (yes) really mean no a lot of the times. Another red light is "ain beyah" (no problem) what it really means is take off the "ain"(no) and that's what you are going to get, the "beyah"(problem)

Now you may think that all these people are out to get you, the taxi driver is trying to rip you off, the bank teller is just trying to get out of doing her job, the post office guy really meant to sent your urgent letter by ocean, on purpose, the sale items in the store are never entered into the computer(therefore the cashier has to go get one of these cards to swipe in order to ok that item, that's right one card!!! Its usually on the other side of the store and every 30 seconds a different cashier needs it), no matter how many papers you bring to them they always need you to come back and bring something else(interior ministry), you decide to purchase the extra insurance just in case the thing breaks and find out that it covers everything else except that!

For the new immigrant it can be frustrating at times and can even drive some to threaten to take the next plane back. With patience, an open mind, and a sense of humor these sometimes apparently backwards events can turn into positive experiences, and only strengthen our love for this greatest place on earth, Israel!!!!!