I've got one, do you??

If you don't have it than don't talk to me!! Yes, we were all given a name at birth, but the real name comes much later. We wear it on our shirts affixed to a nice plastic tag, we keep it in our wallets on magnetic cards that go on refrigerators, we hang it up on our walls under a piece of glass surrounded by a fancy frame. You need to have some type of verification, something, anything, which shows that you're real. Without it, it just won't do! The longer the name the better. If you can manage to get some type of stamp on it, than the world is now yours.

Don't even attempt to look at my pipes unless you have the 'master's county public board certificate of plumbers.' If you want to remove the fleas from my dog, stay your distance unless you can prove you have a certificate from the 'American Association of Veterinary Practices.' If you want to vacuum up my years of excrement from my clogged sewage system, than you better show proof of your' Federal Sewage Treatment System Certificate Of Compliance," and the stamps better be current or get your mega vacuum sucker off my land.

Get your hands off my hands if you are not a 'Certified Astrological Professional' and can show proof you have been accepted by 'The International Society for Astrological Research' If you want to remove the extra dirt from my land you better be licensed and bonded by 'U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)' if not, hands off my mud.

You see, you can't give yourself a name, it has to be given by someone else. Someone has to verify that you're real. It doesn't really matter if anybody has heard of that somebody, as long as that somebody is bigger than you and also has a name. It helps if that somebody has a name in all caps or has a stamp of somebody else that has all caps. If not all cap's than it better be a long name with at least the beginning of each word in caps.

Once you got one, you're all set. All doors are open to you. You can walk with your head up high! You can now go to parties, conferences, and banquets for special people with names just like you. Only those with the same or similar type names are allowed in. As you compare your tags and certificates it gives you a warm feeling. Now you are finally real, you can be accepted by others. If you don't have one, you are shun by those with. Some won't talk to you, they won't sit with you on the bus, they won't eat with you, and certainly they won't invite you to their functions. Family will make excuses for you saying "oooh he is working on getting one."

So don't waste time, get with the program! Soon you will not be allowed to be a part of society without one. You will not be allowed to do the most basic of things; grocery shopping, post office needs, public bathrooms needs, restaurants, public parks, inter-county streets and freeways, public utilities, recycling centers, use of sidewalks, and specialty gift shops.