May the Almighty grant them peace

I knew that this day would come some time. I dreaded it. I wasn't sure what I would do when the moment arises. They say time heals, but in some cases I'm not so sure. Some craters are just too deep to fill.

The neighbor across the street left for work that day like he always did. He said goodbye to his wife and baby (6 months), he sent two of his older boys (5 and 8) to gan, and headed out in the heavy rain. The weather already claimed two accidents that same week in our small community of 35 families. 5 days earlier I was very upset at my personal tragedy of totaling my car!!! . Today I am still so upset with myself for those feelings I had. I left that intersection on my feet without a scratch!!! My neighbor and his family lost everything.

I was at the car rental agency when I got the phone call. I, like everybody else who knew them went numb. What can one possible say to something like this. What do you tell the children? How could she possibly go on? I realized driving back home that the agency had given me the exact same car and color as the one that he had. I debated whether I should return it and exchange it for another make or color. Three days later I regretted not making the right decision.

I forgot something in the house that day, I don't remember what. I left my car on the street running. I got back in my car and for some reason looked in my rear-view window. The 8 year old was standing with a few other kids waiting for the bus. He took a few steps out of the bus stop towards my car with a wide curious look upon his face. He suddenly got this big smile on his face and started running towards my car. I didn't know what to do!!! I knew exactly what he was thinking. "I knew they were all wrong, I knew he would come home" My heart and stomach were on the floor, I was crying. I hit the gas and drove away like a coward. I wish I would have stayed and taken him in my arms and promised him everything would be ok, but I couldn't, I just couldn't!!

I had to drive around in that rental car for another month. Every time I would pass them on the street, or they would just see it parked there, would be a reminder. I hated that car!

I don't know how, but for 1 1/2 years I never ran into her on the street or at the Shul or in any situation where you would have to have some kind of response. What can you possibly say to someone in that situation? Yesterday I was walking on the street and that moment occurred. "mashlo mech?" How are you? spewed out of my mouth!!! How are you? Its times like these where you want to find the person, group, or country that established this as a way of greeting someone you don't know that well. She gave this smile that said it all!! "How do you think I am? A mother of three small children alone in the world and nobody can possibly understand how I feel"